I’m sure you can recall growing up and witnessing the many “cool crowds” that came and went throughout the years.
For me, in elementary school the cool crowd was typically the most intelligent kids.
In middle school they were the ones going through the least awkward phase of puberty.
In high school it was the athletes (guys) and most decked-out in Abercrombie (girls).
In college, it was the best fraternities/sororities…or in my case, the biggest partiers.
When I graduated college I was quite sure that the “real world” didn’t have any cool crowds. I thought we were all past that and concerned with more important things like careers, genuine relationships, and being…well, just good people.
But I was wrong (and naive, clearly). Cool crowds very much still exist as adults. They’re less obvious, and they take many different shapes and forms, but they’re there.
I’ll be honest - this is something I struggle with sometimes…feeling even the slightest desire for so-and-so to like me because they work for Company X, belong to Group Y, or are close to Friend Z. I think that this is a natural human tendency, but it’s one that seems to be magnified in New York - the city where it’s all about “who you know.”
At the end of the day, though, I can wholeheartedly say I wouldn’t change my circle of friends for the world. The people I’m surrounded by are the most inspiring, funny, encouraging, creative, and fun people I know (I could go on, trust me). And - let’s be real - they’re pretty darn cool too.
Here’s the thing – it’s not bad to be “cool” individually or as a group. I am ALL about being creative, expressive, and even influential. But when those things become more important than being a good person with healthy relationships, well…that’s quite uncool, in my opinion.
I know how it is, though. It can be really easy to get caught up in becoming part of a certain group, especially when they do in fact begin to accept you. But I think it’s important to remember that it’s more than about just being accepted.
Here are some things I’ve learned are the most important characteristics of a healthy and genuine group of friends.
- You’re accepted because of who you are - not your job, clothes, looks, or social status
- You can remain uniquely you, and don’t feel the need to conform to the group
- The relationships are based on love, not on being mutually beneficial or appearing a certain way to others
- What makes you different is what is celebrated and encouraged
- The group is welcoming and inclusive of others
- There’s no fear of condemnation. None. Nada.
- There is, however, healthy challenge and accountability involved
- There is fruit being produced not only within the group, but that reaches others outside the group (I’m talking peace, love, joy, etc.)
Last but not least, I think it’s important to remember that being in the cool crowd usually looks more fun than it actually is. I’ve been there when I was younger, and I’ve experienced it as an adult. Sure, it might feel nice to get the attention and recognition of others, but if you ask me - it’s too exhausting, annoying, and even boring to try to keep up with that cool kid persona.
So as for me? I’d rather be free. I’d rather be my fully true self.
I’d much rather just not give a damn.
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Thoughts on this? What do you agree/disagree with most?
This is exactly what I needed to read today. Thanks for the reminder!
Awesome
you’re very welcome!
I agree Gracie! Great post! Freedom to be authentically me is something I won’t compromise.
I feel like this may be more of an issue in NYC, or I’m just out of touch in albany (that’s a great Dear Abby signature). I have friends that I can assume were in a variety of “cliques” or social groups back in highschool, but now none of that seems to matter. And the people that still matters to, I try to avoid. :/
Yup it’s definitely more prevalent in NYC, but I’ve personally experienced it everywhere!
I don’t think it’s just a NYC thing, I’ve experienced the “cool” crowd everywhere in all phases of my life. I think it’s just human nature. It’s hard for me, however, to remember to not try and impress people to become friends with them because keeping up an act of “coolness” is just exhausting!
Even though I’m still in college and not all the way in the real world yet, I completely agree. I really enjoyed the post and glad I’m not the only one that feels the same way.
I’m headed to New York this weekend and was wondering the name of your church. I’m hoping if I’m not too tired Sunday morning I can catch a service.
Hi Sara! It’s Liberty Church - there’s an 11am service in Soho (Scholastic Theater) and a 7pm at Union Square Ballroom. I go to the 7pm, so let me know if you come by!
great stuff Gracie <3
Thanks Erin!
Great post!! I wish I could tell you this stops as you get older….nah….I still feel it at times….and even at church!!! I agree with you, at my age now (early 40’s), why do I care?!
yup…even at church. That’s why I’m so grateful for my church, there’s none of it!
Oh the cool kids. Thankfully, my high school and college were so small that there wasn’t really any room to have a cool kids group!
Preach it!!!
I don’t think the “cool groups” ever stop. And as we get older and get married and start families, the competition gets even worse (so I hear). I try to ignore it, but I still find myself having “fear of missing out syndrome” on occasion.
You know its funny but that’s what has been going through my mind in the past couple of months. I mean people should just accept themselves as they are and not try to fix yourself in a ‘cool group’ - if i may. I know there is pressure from all around us to fit in tis kind of social status, class whatsover. But lets admit it, we cant and its about time we accepted who we are and live with it.